13 Practices for Busting Through Body Shame & into Embodied Self-Love
How did I get myself out of a lifetime of body shaming and into embodied self-loving?
I share with you here in this final part, the practices I have gathered and used over the years, some my own, some from teacher/author Regena Thomashauer, some from author Sonya Renee Taylor. Start with one or two at a time. Go only as fast as the slowest part of you feels safe to go. Most importantly hold compassion for self.
If you missed Part 1 where I shared my body shame story, read it HERE.
Read Part 2 HERE where I share how my body shame once again reared its head while in supportive community and how I unraveled these final layers to really embody self-love, taking it out of mind and into body where it belongs.
13 Practices for Busting Through Body Shame & into Embodied Self-Love
- Stop Apologizing for Your Body — We are so habituated in saying, “I’m sorry” when no apology is warranted, like for simply taking up space or for your size. There’s even a book I highly recommend titled, “The Body is Not an Apology” by Sonya Renee Taylor. It’s time to stand in our bodies and thus our power unapologetically, not allowing anyone or any culture to dictate our physicality or definition of beauty.
2. Watch Your Body Bad Mouthing — Be aware of how much you berate your body, using derogatory remarks and expletives. Your body receives these messages just like a friend would receive them. As Sonya Renee Taylor says, “How we speak to our bodies impacts how we experience our bodies.”
3. Take a Break From Media — We get constantly slammed by the media with messages that our bodies are flawed, wrong, not enough and need fixing. It’s marketing and it works because it feeds our fears and shame and makes us buy things. Take a break for a couple days and observe how you feel without.
4. Write & Share Your Body Shame Story — According to Brene Brown, “shame needs three things to grow out of control: secrecy, silence and judgment.” Write your story, share it out loud when you feel ready to do so with people “who have earned the right to hear your story.” As you bring your story out of hiding, you’ll realize you’re not that different from anyone else, reclaiming the sense of belonging and enoughness that was yanked from you at an early age.
5. Try on New Thoughts — Take your old, disapproving, dismissing, and deranging thoughts and create new positive, uplifting thoughts whether you believe them to be true or not. The old adage, “Our thoughts create our reality” is real. As you become aware of the negative things you tell yourself, immediately back each one with a positive thought. Over time the negative, false beliefs will lessen as the new positive thoughts take precedence.
6. Stop Disapproval in Its Tracks with a Mantra — Create a simple, positive, juicy present tense statement that you can repeat to yourself whenever you catch yourself bad mouthing or disapproving of your body. It should even make you uncomfortable and be a little outlandish. This means it’s pushing your growth edge and is a good thing. Examples include, “Hello, gorgeous!”, “I love my body”, “My body is sizzlin’ hot and sexy”, “My body is a holy temple”, or even, “I’m curious about loving my body”.
7. Touch Your Body Like an Explorer & Lover — Build intimacy and trust with your body through exploratory touch. Notice what is present with your body, what type of touch brings pleasure, and where you disassociate on your body. If you have spent years in negligence of your body or dealing with trauma, start with simply a hand on your heart and belly. Breathe as you send loving energy into your body.
Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash
8. Give Approval & Gratitude to One Body Part at a Time — Start with the body part you like the best and for a week, lavish that part with praise, adoration and blessings. Continue through your body parts eventually getting to the ones you most disapprove of. You might start with your eyes or hair, then wrists and ankles, finishing with your belly, breasts or thighs. Notice every detail and give gratitude for all that your body provides and gifts you with.
9. Get Naked — I used to go from shower, right to towel to robe to clothing. When my boys were small nothing would make them get as silly and gleeful as when they were free to run naked through the house or yard. Strip free of clothing when you can and feel the air on your skin, the freedom of being unrestricted, the innocence of nudity. For a little naughty feeling, go panty free for a day!
10. Gaze at Your Body in a Mirror with Approval — Start with just your face in a small mirror and eventually get yourself in front of a full length mirror naked and lavish your entire body with praise, approval and affirmations. Go big. Fake it if that’s all you have. Act and move as if you are seducing your own reflection. Soon it will come naturally and easily.
Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash
11. Movement — Move, shake, dance like no one is watching, feeling how your body wants to move, not how you think dance or movement should look like or out of obligation or “supposed to”. Your body is meant for moving and the more we allow it to move us, the more in relationship we become with our bodies. Reconnect to the physical activities you delighted in as a child. Watch any young child move to music on YouTube and you’ll be reminded that joyful movement is inherent in us.
12. Be Witnessed in Naked Body — As you’re feeling comfortable with your naked body alone, step out with your beautiful body in view of others. Perhaps it’s in the locker room or with whomever you live with at home. If this is too much, first visualize your naked body walking proudly, unapologetically through a safe, public space.
13. Build Your Shame Free Circle— This is a most important ingredient and one you are most likely to dismiss. But we can’t do this kind of shame busting without others to support and encourage us. Start small with just one or two trusting girlfriends and make an agreement for a body bad mouthing, apologizing free zone. Share your body shame stories. Agree as listeners to not judge or attempt to take the other’s pains away. You’re simply holding space for each other to come out of secrecy.
The critical piece of this while you’re diving into these tools is to hold the utmost compassion and gentleness with yourself. Your body shame may release in no time at all because of some spontaneous healing that occurs or most likely it may take as long as it takes, even a lifetime. The last thing you need to do is add to the shame you’re already carrying.
I’m not claiming to be 100% over my body shaming. It’s a journey into self-love and these practices are one way through.
As one my tribe sisters just shared with me, this shame busting is an unraveling so it comes apart in pieces and layers, sometimes the layers are thick, ugly and mucky, sometimes they’re wispy and clear. You may think you’re over it, as I once did and then another layer is revealed. But each layer unraveled brings you closer to complete freedom.
If you have experienced sexual trauma or abuse, by all means seek out a reputable therapist. I am only sharing here from my own experiences and my work with other teachers.
Incorporating any or all of these practices over time and consistently as I have done, will help you bust through your body shame and into loving your whole entire being both inside and out.
Not to mention as you heal your relationship to your body, you are also healing lifetimes before you, your ancestral lineage and the next generations. You are basically stopping body shame in its tracks and from holding back your daughters, granddaughters, your great-granddaughters from freedom and self-expression.
Feeling free in my body, approving my body, loving my body has led me to feeling free in so many ways, such as speaking freely from my heart and feeling free to show up in my life anyway I care to be without worrying what others will think. I can just do ME. I’m also more approving of all aspects of my life. I’m much kinder and gentler with myself and more accepting of others. Joy and laughter come more easily. Pleasure and fun are a must.
You’ve got this, beautiful, sexy goddess!!
Please share in the comments below your thoughts about body shame.
Karen works as a certified empowerment coach, Reiki master/teacher, & sacred circle facilitator. She also teaches workshops and leads retreats. Her powerful spiritually-based coaching will ignite your inner goddess, release your good girl and guide you to living the life you crave.Grab your free guidebook HERE. www.karentasto.com