You’ve been misled, ladies!

You’ve been sold a fairy tale that will never come true.

You know the one I’m talking about where Prince Charming finally arrives to save Cinderella from her misery and leads her off into the happily ever after.

I’d like to give us all a wake-up call here. No single person can save us. No single person can make things all better. No one is going to always honor us and make us eternally happy.

I’m sharing here why it’s up to you to honor yourself first and foremost. I’ll explain what it means to honor yourself. Then I’ll offer you 5 easy and effective steps for tuning in and honoring. You’ll quickly make this a practice in your daily life.

Recently, I experienced one of those aha moments, that out of nowhere, jolts you awake to a new level of understanding.

I was sitting in a weekend workshop with my husband, my presumed Prince Charming, the man I spent many years waiting to be taken care of by, to be fully honored by.

My aha was when the facilitator stated, “The level to which you honor yourself is the level to which others are honoring you.”

Whoa! That felt so true I could feel it resonating in my body.

As a recovering good girl, sensitive type and recovering people-pleaser, it’s been a rather long and arduous journey towards honoring myself, most evidently within my marriage.

My dear hubby has big, intense energy. He can naturally claim and take up lots of time and space, yet he’s also very sensitive. My default tendency is to be introverted, invisible and more passive.

For about 20 of our 28 years of marriage I couldn’t speak my truths for fear of hurting his feelings. I stuffed under my feelings not wanting to rock the boat. I swallowed my words and emotions until they dissolved into some deep, dark place within myself that I could not even access anymore.

Somewhere along the early years of our marriage I developed the mindset that his issues, his problems were bigger than mine. While also, the sensitive in me was afraid of hurting his feelings. The more I deferred to him, the more I pulled away from myself, and the more disconnected I became from any sense of what I felt, what I needed, much less what I desired.

It’s taken me years of inner work, support and guidance to get to where I am now…loving myself, connecting to myself, claiming my needs, feelings, desires, essentially, honoring myself. Honoring myself means I see myself and lay claim to ME.

What specifically does it mean to honor yourself?

Speaking your truths — saying what needs to be said even if it may upset the other

Acknowledging, feeling, and expressing your emotions as they arise

Finding your “yeses” and “no’s”, speaking them and sticking to them

Giving yourself permission to change your mind and make mistakes

Not apologizing for who you are or what you look like

Taking up equal space and time in relationships

Taking exquisite care of yourself. It’s not selfish!

Being truthful with yourself

Listening and following through on the messages your body gives you

Holding yourself with acceptance, respect, love, and compassion

Simply being yourself, in all your quirks, crazies, and imperfections

Yet, it’s one thing to honor yourself in the face of yourself and quite another to honor yourself in the face of your dearest people, especially those who challenge us. I’ve gotten really good at accessing my emotions, my thoughts, my inner wisdom, and taking excellent care of myself.

The aha moment I mentioned earlier came because I realized I wasn’t whole- bodily honoring myself when he challenged me.

For example, even though I would be feeling a “no” to some urgent request of his (maybe having to do with sex), I would cave in because it was just easier than dealing with his strong reactions.

A clue that I wasn’t honoring myself was usually the resentment I felt. Not a good mix with sex!

Not honoring myself, nor my body here. So, of course, he couldn’t honor me at the higher level I was desiring.

What do you feel after saying “yes” when you really feel a “no”?

I made a vow right then and there in that conference room, of no more dishonoring of myself. I’m taking this honoring of myself to the next level!

Are you with me?

When you’re honoring yourself first and foremost, you’re standing in your power and claiming this is who I am. You can’t expect others to do that for you. No way! They are not you. Only you can know and do you.

Plus, no one really benefits if you’re doing something or not speaking a truth out of fear of their reactions. Yes, you need to use loving-kindness and you need to consider the other, but that must not stop you from honoring yourself as well.

What is crucial is that you can allow the other to simply have their reactions while staying centered in yourself.

Below is a general way to tune-in when you’re on that brink of possibly moving out of your center, thereby dishonoring or dismissing yourself. It could be that someone has made a request of you or someone is confronting you, so you need to choose your response.

5 Steps to Honoring Yourself

1. Take a deep breath and exhale with a sigh.

2. Place both feet flat and firmly on the ground., feeling connection to Earth.

3. Tune inward and feel your pussy, belly, heart and throat. Notice any sensations. Your body does not lie.

4. Notice your predominant thought. Be aware of any guilty or fearful thoughts and hold them with compassion.

5. Ask from your inner Self, “If I were to honor myself right now, what would I say or do?”

Once you get practiced at this process, it need only take a few seconds to do a quick check-in.

To honor yourself is to really honor the other as well. For when you do, you’re sending the message, “Hey, I trust that you can handle what I’ve got to say, and we’ll move forward together.” There’s an energy of respect, of trust and faith in the other.

So now when my husband challenges me, I tune into myself with the steps I shared above and tell myself that as I honor myself first, I’m teaching him how to better honor me.

To take your honoring of self to the next level be sure to grab your free journal guidebook, “Shifting From Good Girl to Awakened Goddess”, here.

** Castle Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

Karen helps you tune in and turn on to your feminine powers so you can break out of your good girl box, ignite your inner goddess, and live the life you desire. She works as a certified professional life coach, Reiki master, & women’s sacred circle facilitator. She also teaches workshops and leads retreats. www.karentasto.com