Do You Think You Need to Go It Alone?
I’d like to share how I went from complete resistance to support groups to now facilitating my own. Sitting here writing about the power of group work was definitely not something I ever thought I would be doing.
We need groups! We need them for the connection we as humans crave. We especially need support groups to not only get through all the ups and downs of life but to actually thrive through them. Support groups serve many purposes, not the least of which is to feel less alone in this American culture that emphasizes independence and the pioneer spirit. Social media, meant to foster connection, has left many lonelier and more isolated than ever before. Just reading the loneliness statistics is certainly disheartening.
My first real experience of supportive group work happened to occur at a family week at my husband’s treatment center. The counselor called me one week after I dropped my husband off at the airport. I was home trying to maintain some sense of normalcy with our three sons while their dad was away. The counselor highly recommended my attendance for the sake of my husband’s recovery.
A tsunami of thoughts overwhelmed me…
What the hell!
I’m not the one with the problems!
How can I leave the kids at a time like this?
This isn’t about me.
Why should I go?
He just needs to get his shit together.
There’s nothing wrong with me!! It’s all him!
It did not strike me at the time that there was also a literal hurricane brewing and headed our way in a matter of days. So being the good wife I always was, I went, kicking and screaming inside.
I felt angry. I felt scared as hell. I felt utterly alone.
Upon arrival, what surprised me was that we were immediately led to sit in a circle among the other family members, with a counselor leading. I just assumed I’d be with my husband. But no. This was about the families. So here I was, me and a bunch of strangers that included a wide range of people from spouse, parent, sister, or brother of a patient.
I felt closed up, super-resistant, angry that I had to be there, nervous, shy, thinking, what do I have to say? This was not what I signed up for. We were asked, of course, to introduce ourselves and share our story, how we got here.
By my turn, with the armor around my heart already softening, my tears were overflowing with years of held in pain. But this wasn’t the crying I was often doing with my husband or alone, of poor me, how could this be happening? I don’t know what came out of my mouth. It wasn’t even about what I said or didn’t say. There was something about hearing others’ stories and letting mine out in a safe and supportive space. I didn’t feel so alone with all my pent-up crap. By the end of that week something had shifted in me. A seed was planted.
That one week initiated me onto my healing journey with all its twists and turns, steep climbs and descents, peaks and valleys.
I don’t know what happened to those other families and patients. We only had that one week. That group though served its purpose. My groups now serve other purposes for me.
What continues to get reinforced in me since that week in Arizona is that I don’t have to go it alone…not anything, ever again, and neither do you!
Since then I’ve immersed myself in powerful women’s groups, even eventually facilitating my own, what I call sacred circles. I have experienced firsthand the healing that emerges from supportive group work. Just 7 years ago I didn’t think I had anything to heal. I was led to join one women’s group for self-actualization that some 5 years later still keeps me anchored and growing. Another women’s group is focused on dreams. Amazing what our dreams reveal!
I also have my dance group which fulfills my need for fun and self-expression as well as my writing group which pushes me through my fears and encourages me to write pieces like this one you’re reading. Each group has given me exactly what I need at that particular stage in my life with sisters whom I can just be myself with and let it all hang out. How awesome is that!
There are all sorts of support groups out there all with different purposes and benefits to be had.
Even virtual groups can work as I’ve found with my writing gals, though nothing beats the old-fashioned connections made in-person.
Here are just some types of support groups to join…
· Therapy/Healing
· Common interest like service or art
· Shared experience like illness or child-rearing
· Work Related such as peers in your field
· Common goals such as weight loss
· Spiritual such as meditation or self-empowerment
. Religious affiliated
· Recovery such as addiction or abuse
· Grief from a death or transition
Can’t find the type of group you’re needing? Then start one now.
Some possible benefits of support groups include…
· Accountability (nothing beats having someone to report back to on your progress)
· Being witnessed (read my BLOG on this)
· Support (of course)
· Being yourself (no roles to play or hats to wear)
· Others are mirrors for you (they see things you can’t see about yourself or your situation)
· No bias or judgment
· Unconditional love
· A place to share openly, freely — sharing is healing
· Act as a thermometer for reading your emotional temperature
· Serve as a yardstick for how far you’ve come, which is hard to see on our own
· Open up your lens for wider and higher views of possibilities than you alone might see
If you’re currently in a group that does judge you or doesn’t hold you to your highest, then it’s time to find another group.
What groups do you belong to…where you don’t feel so alone?
Please share your groups in the comments below. One day you might even realize that your support group has become your community, your tribe.
I would love to guide on your own self-discovery path. Schedule your complimentary life coaching session today by e-mail or phone.
Article originally posted on medium.com